Another Theory of Everything


An artistic interpretation of two hydrogen atoms

I guess it's been four years since I first watched Brian Green's Elegant Universe (and another 4 years since I started writing this). That was the funniest science show I'd ever seen. It seems to me every time these string guys got in trouble with reality they'd invent another dimension to save their theory. And when that failed they shrunk everything so small that it couldn't be measured. That, in my opinion, is very creative science.

So I thought, what would I do with this problem? If I'm so smart, how would I figure it all out? I have a long commute to and from work so a little mental exercise while driving would be nice. It will help keep my mind off the lousy weather and ignorant drivers. First I went back to an old idea of mine.

A long time ago, while destroying a few brain cells with friends I came up with the thought that:

The Universe is an unimaginably massive parallel analog computer performing the same incredibly stupid simple calculation over and over and over.

But what would that stupid calculation be? I mused over the problem to and from work. Different ideas were tested and rejected. Until finally I settled on the idea of waves. Now the Internet is overflowing with crackpot wave theories with nothing more than incomplete, drug induced brain storms going nowhere in a hurry. So why would I go there? I'm a sailor. I've spent years trying to drive a small boat through wind and wave. I've seen waves do the most incredible things. Waves, I think, are the one energy form that might have a chance of explaining all the complexity of the real world.

The problem was that the current understanding of waves and how they behave just wasn't up to the task of explaining how everything works. I needed a new wave theory, an extension of the current theories. So I began to think about the mechanics of waves. How is the energy actually transferred from place to place? I settled on a simple, well established formula, Ohms Law.

I fully expected this idea to go bust right from the start. I mean, come on, there are people getting paid to think about this stuff. How could I come up with something they missed? Well, I wrote a little program and it worked! So I wrote another one. That worked too! So there I was sucked into four years of thinking about this stuff and I'm not getting paid for it.

Today I've decided to dump what I've learned on the Internet and you guys can think about it. I'm tired of thinking about it. I'm going sailing!

The image is an "Artistic Interpretation" of two hydrogen atoms. It demonstrates the pinwheel effect of rotating nuclei and the cosmic boom from orbiting electrons. The remarkable interference patterns are generated mathematically with a modified version of POVRAY.